Fortunately, recovery comes . . in the morning.
Well, not literally the morning. And it comes in stages. Actually, the day I left in September 2016 I felt an enormous weight lifted off. The feeling of being free was immense and drinkable.
God was no longer a monster. And every and any plan was now possible!
Except, due to MCF . . I had become unemployable over the last 15 years, working jobs as a kitchen hand or gardener and a few brief, not entirely successful stints at startups in AI (artificial intelligence). I was a graying PhD 49 year-old scientist with the experience of a 34 year-old, had never done anything I had wanted to do since I was 29, had no middle career, no money, no confidence, lost our family home and had $80K in debts.
Yet I had fantastic 20 year old prototypes, or at least business plans, for multiple startups. Most probably still viable despite MCF’s 20-25 year delays. But no network. No money. And a track record of unemployability and failures.
Well, in this post, I’ll cut to the chase.
We put the Lord first. The trusting wife came to her own, but similar conclusions, and all four of the teenage kids supported the move out of MCF. We found a great new church with no hidden agendas. We started living again!
But beginning with a very raw life together in a tiny rental house (all three boys in one room). Lots of dysfunction. But we still deep down loved each other.
I prayed to the Lord for a miracle.
And, thank goodness . . nothing came (i.e. nothing visible)!
Because? I had to stand up and strategically rebuild my career. Myself? Yes, but God was there too. But I had to do it.
I thought long and hard about it and positioned myself for a gradual climb to where I ‘should be’ at this stage of my career, starting at the highest point that I thought I could realistically be appointed initially.
It worked! It’s three years later now, and three jobs later I’m on $200K + superannuation per annum. That’s from kitchen hand and gardening a few years earlier.
So, there was a miracle, but I had to participate with the Lord in it and take gradual steps with effort, despite my lack of confidence, and trust that they would lead to something that would enable us to rebuild our life and pay back our debts.
Sometimes God just clicks his fingers.
But to help me regain confidence I think the Lord knew that I needed to achieve some of it through strategic thinking and hard work. Makes sense now I think about it.
Have I fully recovered? Not really. But the first year out I cried weekly. at all the waste. Now it’s very rare that the thought of the waste turns beyond frustration to genuine anguish.
Is this blog a sign I haven’t recovered?
No. I’m writing this blog to document something horrible that happened to me and is still happening to people as we speak. And I am, in places, carefully going through the MCF theology and correcting it.
And it’s hard for someone to make restitution if they don’t know what it’s for.
Do I forgive them?
Yes. Any and every day. Yes.
But I don’t release them from making restitution to me.
They know how much I asked for when they asked me.
They stole much more than my car from me.
If they find it in their hearts to give it back to me . . I’ll accept it any day.
Irrespective of my forgiveness or not.