I am Truman

I realized today, or re-realized it, that I am Truman from the movie The Truman Show.

The show about the poor guy, played by Jim Carey, who is living his entire life in a reality TV show. And he’s the only one that doesn’t know.

Don’t worry, I’m not going delusional. I don’t have Truman Syndrome. I’ve just realized how much of that show applies to me. Like the waste of life. And how I was trapped in Melbourne, and couldn’t leave the ‘island’, despite wanting to work in the UK or USA for a year or two. Or do a postdoc in ACT. Trapped like Truman.

Like the way the creator of the show in the movie, played by Ed Harris, wants perfection rather than reality.

Well, I would rather have reality than the forced perfection of MCF. Any day. I go to a church which isn’t perfect. Some of the home group leaders are even divorced. But we make mistakes. Life goes on folks!

Everything at my new church is real. The people are doing it because they really want to be there! They’re not trying to please someone.

At least I know that everything around me now is real.

I just watched the end of the movie. I felt EXACTLY the same way as Truman when I learned the truth.

That I had sacrificed 25 years of my life to, in my case, Vic Hall’s ego.

To the altar of Vic Hall.

And then there was the way everyone else seemed to know what was going on. Sometimes Justine and I would be talking about how genuine we were about the beliefs of MCF and I got the feeling that the other stalwarts were not actual true believers but there out of some sort of convenience.

I was quite sure about it.

By 1994 or so, almost everyone who had ever wanted to do anything, OR had any doubts about MCF, had left, IF they had few family/friend ties there. So, MCFers, I’m not going to pigeon-hole you too much, but I believe you are still there for one of those three reasons.

Plus a forth, you were a very strong believer in the original promise of MCF which is why I was still there.

So, for most of my thirties and forties, I’ve realized I was there with people who, either, were 100% true believers somehow or, realized it was a croc, but couldn’t get out and, instead, tried to make the best of it.

Lots of you at MCF wouldn’t talk Scripture with me when I was desperately trying to work out what was going on. I think you know deep down that Vic Hall is off his rocker. But you’ve brought up your families there and your kids are going to marry kids there and you know it’s too hard to leave.

I feel sorry for you because the original promise of MCF was so much greater and continues on in my and Justine’s hearts and Jeff and Annette Hammonds’ and Phil and Jenny Bairds’ hearts.

Well, back to Truman.

I feel that almost nobody else at MCF that wanted to achieve anything stayed. And I was left with all of you that just didn’t have any plans or didn’t think deeply about whether or not MCF was ‘right’.

So, some of you watched me struggle, all those years, like Truman in that show. But we could never talk about it because of the code-of-silence.

Code of silence? Just like in the Truman Show.

When I did ask other people early on, what sort of crosses are the elders bringing you to? I got strange looks. So I stopped talking about it.

Of course, most of the 25+ families that were destroyed all left early on in the 1990s or early 2000s. I was one of the only idiots who was being destroyed that stayed.

Somehow the rest of you have just worked out how to live contently in a prison, or you just had few plans the elders were against.

I’m really sorry for that pigeon-holing. It is a generalization.

But consider it.

And if that kind of subtle abuse didn’t affect you . . that, wow, it did affect hundreds of us.

It destroyed me.

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